


Ten Words or Less

by Yatzuaka



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: 100 Percent Grade A Nonsense, But it's finished, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-08 21:06:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15252036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yatzuaka/pseuds/Yatzuaka
Summary: Loki ends up volunteering at an Animal Shelter.





	Ten Words or Less

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw [this](https://yatzuaka.tumblr.com/post/175751736250/221cbakerstreet-swingsetindecember-i-wish-mcu) post about Doug Judy and Loki and this happened. 
> 
> It's dumb and I love it. 
> 
> (Take it easy on me, it's the first thing I've written and finished in MONTHS.)

"Are you coming or not?" Darcy asked, exasperation leaking from her very pores.

"Not," Loki replied firmly. He was very much looking forward to doing nothing. Absolutely nothing.

She shoved her feet in a pair of very old sneakers, not even bothering to tie the laces. Then she just _left_ without so much as a backwards glance.

Loki was very certainly not at all bored or bothered by her absence within the first fifteen minutes. He had a lot of things to not do. 

* * *

"I'm heading out," Darcy said, disentangling herself from their embrace to jump in the shower, as if her world hadn't just been rocked by his phenomenal bedroom prowess. 

Loki was nonplussed. _What happened to their customary post-coital cuddling?_

"It's Sunday, doofus. Animal Shelter," she responded loud enough to be heard over the spray. 

Loki pouted a bit, then spent a considerable amount of time arranging himself _just so_ for the moment when she came back from the bathroom. 

She was brushing her hair when she rejoined him, movements quick and economical. She paid him no mind as she set aside her brush and opened her underwear drawer.

Loki stretched luxuriously, aiming to distract her using every weapon in his arsenal, and eventually, after a great deal of unnoticed flexing, propped himself up on a hand, "Say, _darling_ , I couldn't convince you to -"

"Nope. But I'll be back by dinner," she interrupted, somehow fully dressed and ready to go in less than five minutes. "Gotta go save the world," so saying Darcy finally appeared to notice the state he was in. He'd expected the _leer_ , that look where her eyes went smoky and her lips curled in satisfaction. Instead he got a giggle and a peck on the cheek, "You're adorable. Bye."

So much for spending a lazy day in bed.

* * *

_If you can't beat them, join them_ , said no self-respecting Asgardian ever, but Midgardians apparently did. Perhaps the phrase was particularly appropriate considering that he was still attempting to acclimate to the culture.

Honestly, he was just very curious.

What was so special about an Animal Shelter that she would waste her precious free-time at one?

This time, he was ready for her. He was up and out of bed - dressed immaculately, of course - making coffee and keeping a weather eye on the haunted toaster as it did it's duty. 

"Thanks," Darcy said as she joined him in the kitchen, leaning in for a quick kiss before she snagged a cup and poured herself coffee. "Where are you off to, all spiffed out like that?"

There was something vaguely incomprehensible about Midgardian slang. He was fairly certain she was remarking about his state of dress. 

"With you, I hope," Loki smiled winningly, sure of his welcome. 

Darcy pulled a skeptical face, "New volunteers are certainly welcome, but, uh, you do see how _I'm_ dressed right?" 

"Well, I like to make a good first impression."

"Not to put too fine a point on it, but there's a fair amount of piss and shit involved, so maybe a bit more casual would be more appropriate?" 

He could tell she was trying to be helpful, but he liked the way he looked.

* * *

It was possible he should have listened to Darcy. 

* * *

Overheard later that night: "You should have seen it, Jane. It was priceless. Picture it, he's sitting there, dressed to the nines in an impeccably tailored black suit, which was covered in cat and dog hair, going back and forth with this kid. 'Your face', 'No, your face'. I _died_."

* * *

Loki'd been going to the Shelter with Darcy for months, but he'd never had to go alone. She had gotten sick, though, so he had put on his Shelter outfit (black suit, surreptitiously magicked to repel piss, shit, _and_ animal dander) and had braved the day without his favorite companion. 

"How'd it go?" Darcy snuffled from under the mountain of blankets she was nesting in.

"It went fine," Loki answered, as he set a container of soup from her favorite diner within easy reach. 

"I want deets, man. Come on, take pity on me. I've been cooped up in here forever," she said, and coughed pitiously. 

"I'll tell you, if you take your medicine without complaining."

"Boo. You're a meanie, picking on your sick girlfriend, but fine!" she swigged the foul green concoction, face pursing comically as she tried to swallow.

"There's a good Darcy. Alright, so you know that boy who has been coming to visit that vicious and ugly one-eyed cat?"

"Aw. Leave Odin alone! He just needs to find his forever home."

"Well, he brought his dad along this time. The dad, _oof_ , was something of a _douchebag_ , I believe you would call him. He kept saying that 'Little boys should have a dog', that cats were for _girls_ , and other such nonsense."

Darcy snuggled closer, and Loki patted what he thought could be her shoulder, but was possibly a breast. Who knew, really, what he'd ended up patting through the layers of comforters and blankets, but she didn't seem to mind. 

"Total dbag," Darcy agreed amicably.

"But little Tommy had his heart set on that demon cat, and frankly, he's the only being I have seen that the cat seems to tolerate, so I tried to reason with the man."

"Uh oh."

"I'll have you know I can be very reasonable, missy."

"Sure, sure, yup. Totally super reasonable. That's you, Mr _Reasonable_."

"Do you want to hear what happened or not?"

Darcy nodded and pressed her lips together.

"Very well, so. When logic and a very polite discussion about archaic gender roles failed to sway the man, I may have glamoured the cat a bit. Just a little, mind. In my defense, the animal will apparently not even be residing with the father, but the mother, but the oaf had final say in what the boy got to adopt, because of their co-parenting agreement."

Darcy snorted, which turned into a coughing fit. He helped her sit up and pressed a soothing hand against her back as she shuddered. When she finally finished gasping and wheezing, he handed her a glass of water. 

"Please continue. This is the most fun I've had in days," Darcy said after she'd gulped down about half of the glass. 

"Alright, if you're sure... I don't want to make you feel worse."

The lump that was his lover quivered inside her nest. Loki let the silence linger a beat longer. 

"Come on, don't be an ass."

"Such name calling. Remind me again why do I put up with you?"

"Loki!"

Loki grinned broadly, just about to continue with the story when he heard a knock at the door. 

Wong stood there, looking harried and disgruntled, "Strange is doing something somewhere, and no, I don't know what, nor do I care beyond the fact that his absence means I'm here. You know you are prohibited from using magic on Earth, and yet I was notified that you have, in fact, used magic today. So spill, Trickster. In ten words or less, explain why you used magic." 

"I sold a man a fake Pekingese. T'was a cat."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! (And don't forget to support your local no-kill shelter! [BUT NOT PETA. PETA CAN SUCK IT])


End file.
